I've Been Picking Scabs Again

                                                   December 7, 1941

I've been searching every recess of my brain the past year, trying to recollect what happened in one of my prior lives. I believe for someone who is not worthy, they will not be accepted into heaven.  Therefor they will be reincarnated into another life in the future after they die.  So after all my soul searching, I have come up with this. This was my previous life. This could be the biggest fantasy in the world or maybe it is a possibility.

Ding, Ding, Ding  -  time to get up.  Its 5 am on December 7, 1941, my shift cleaning in the engine room starts at 6.  So I must get ready quickly and go to the mess and get something to eat.  I'm still quite groggy from the night before.  I was out on liberty dancing and drinking till past midnight.  Didn't find a girl who liked me.  But hey I'm 19, I've got lotsa time to find a lady.  My name's William. most people call me Billy.  I'm a Seaman 3rd class on The USS Oklahoma, the finest Battleship in the US Navy.  We are moored in Battleship row at Pearl Harbor.  I'm not the brightest bulb as it were.  I barely made it through high school in Independence Missouri.  I was so lucky my Dad was friends with the local navy recruiter.  I made it though basic and was lucky enough to find a ship.  I'm at the bottom of the barrel, I mainly clean stuff and follow orders.  I hope someday I can find my way into gunnery and be part of the crew for our big 14 inch guns.  We have sailed to many ports and each one has been an adventure for me in the last year.  Wow, who would have ever thought this loser from Independence would have seen the world.

So I made it down to the engine room and the Chief in charge said to get a mop and bucket and start swabbing the floor.  Oh well the dreams of  working in the big guns will have to wait.  Still as I continue my mopping thoughts enter my head.  The Fun I had last night, wishing I was still asleep in my bunk, dreaming I was an officer with everyone saluting and respecting me.   Then at about 7 am, out of my daydreams I was leapt.  I could hear guns, sirens, explosions outside the ship barely audible in the depth of the hull.  Was it a drill?  Then our siren went off.  What the hell was going on???  Then BOOM a huge explosion , seconds later BOOOOOOOM.  Everyone in my area was frantic.  The Chief said we got hit by torpedoes.  The Loudspeaker was calling to get to battle stations.  Then several more huge explosions.  The ship was shaking violently.  The Chief said get out of here and get up top to help.  I ran for the stairs frantic and full of fear.
I got up several decks and several more massive explosions.  I saw some wounded men, it was horrible, some with no arms or legs, blood every where.  The ship started to roll, the deck was tilting.  We were starting to roll over and sink.  How was this possible.  I couldn't go up anymore, the ship had almost completely turned over.  I was trapped in a small compartment with a couple of guys I didn't know.  Water was coming in.  I had no idea where I was or how to get out.  The power went out, it was pitch black.  The other 2 guys tried to swim and find a door and a way out.  I never saw them again.  I kept trying to find a door or opening of some kind but it was dark and the area was filling rapidly with water.

So this was it, I'm 19 years old and I'm going to die in the hull of a Battleship.  I kept yelling and screaming for help.  I don't want to die.  I'm too young. I'm not ready yet.  I want to get married, have kids.  I want to get a good job and have a nice car and yard.  Its not fair for someone so young.  The water keeps its relentless pace.  I only have a tiny space now with my head against the bulkhead.  I pray for God to help. The only answer is the water now is almost to my mouth.  Mom and Dad, I miss you so much and love you.
I wish I could have been a better son and not so much of a disappointment.  The water is now over my head.  I'm holding my breath.  I know I cant do that forever.  I hope I go to heaven.  Please take me God.
Darkness.

Many years later....Waaaa, Waaaa, Waaaa.   In a delivery room outside of Pittsburgh, PA.   Oooooo its a baby boy......  A man was heard saying, I think we'll name him Harrison.

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

Today the world became a little colder and a little bit less of a wondrous place.  Pete Seeger passed away today.  His songs will live on forever.  Songs of freedom, caring, civil rights and inspiration.  So many people have been influenced by his incredible lyrics.  He lived a long and healthy life and now its time for rest.  A flame has been extinguished but a beautiful soul will now move on to another dimension.  Pete Seeger will never be forgotten.  This world is a much better place because of him and his music.  To that we all owe him a debt of gratitude.  Thank you so much Pete Seeger.   Rest in Peace.

A Lovely Evening with A Charming Man

Its hard to believe a year has passed.  So many things have happened both good and bad since 1-21-13.  It seems like yesterday in some respects.  I had waited for a long time to see Morrissey live in concert.  The days to the concert were counted down and time seemed to drag so slow and then suddenly it was 1-21-13.  The day had arrived.

It was a cold, blustery Pittsburgh winter's evening.  My friend and I hurried to Heinz Hall from the Parking Garage.  I had only a suit jacket on with a Blue Rose attached to the lapel.  I was quite frozen when we arrived.

We walked through the lobby to the stairs to the balcony and I was quite surprised at some of the odd looks I received from people.  Don't some of these folks know Moz wants people to bring roses to his shows?  Well anyways I really don't care what people think of me so up to the balcony we went and found our seats.
I was extremely nervous in anticipation and geez I am just in the audience.  Its just I had waited so long for this moment and here it was.

The friend I went with wasn't a particular Morrissey fan but I had persuaded him to go because Morrissey is more than just a singer of songs.  He is a poet, an intellect and a creative genius.  His concerts are more than a singer singing a song, they are an event, performance and art all wrapped in one.  One of the pre-concert films came on and James Baldwin was in it.  He happens to be one of my friend's favorite writers, so immediately he was hooked.

The lights dimmed, the background poster was illuminated, the Klaus Nomi song started and I knew it was time.  I stood up.   My heart was racing, I felt chills up and down my spine.  The spotlight came on and the crowd began cheering wildly!!  Out of the darkness.... There he was.   Morrissey and his band with the preliminary bows to the audience, such A Charming Man.  He said "Good Evening" and "I AM WHITE TRASH" and tore into a thunderous version of "Shoplifters of the World".

I will not go through the entire concert, as I wrote about it before.  It was a tremendous evening.  It was a marvelous performance by Our Moz.  Especially now knowing that he was not feeling very well, as not too long after this concert he was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer.  Morrissey rules the stage like no other and it is an evening I will long treasure.

PS.  My friend was definitely a convert, he gushed the whole way home about Morrissey and the concert.

Random Winter Thoughts

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

I suppose I shall start with The Good first.  The news that Morrissey has received a new recording contract is very welcome.  After 5 years in the hinterlands, he has signed a 2 record deal and will start recording in France next month.  I am so happy for him.  He is a true icon and a creative genius with words.  I so look forward to listening to a new album.  Also, Parody Morrissey has returned to Twitter.  I very much enjoy reading his eloquent, thoughtful and funny tweets.  I am honored to occasionally interact with him on Twitter.
I appreciate being able to write to someone of very evolved intelligence and creativity especially when I am as they say "not the sharpest tool in the shed".  I sincerely hope he doesn't feel I am bothering him because I never want to be a pest to anyone.  Parody Morrissey has a lovely group of followers who tweet with him on various topics.  Some are outsiders like myself, some are devout devotees of Morrissey, some love the interaction with an icon and all are very intelligent, gracious individuals.

Continuing with The Good, Ice Hockey has been a real pleasure this season.  I have been playing better this season than I have for a couple of years.  I'm a step quicker and I have more endurance.  I was thinking why is that?  I became a full vegetarian 2 years ago and noticed my (very limited) athletic prowess is improved.  So thanks once again to Morrissey, because of his principled stance on the defense of animals, I made a decision based on that and a lot of personal reflection.  It has worked out in so many ways for me.  I have never felt better physically and mentally I feel wonderful knowing I am not living my life on the killing of animals.

Unfortunately there is plenty of bad as always.  Number 1 being, I despise winter.  I hate cold weather and snow and long for the soothing warmth of summer.  Needless to say, summer is quite far away.  Even spring would be a welcome respite.  The cold wears on me and makes me old before my time. I see lines on my face I never knew I had. The only way to get through is the old adage, one day at a time.  The other brutal part of The Bad is getting up every day for work.  Getting up early is about the worst thing I must do daily. The alarm rings and my fuzzy head implores me "STAY IN BED" but my reasonable half always wins out and I stumble out of bed to get ready to become an insignificant piece of The Machine.

Now to The Ugly.  I visit a couple of times per week with my elderly neighbor lady.  She is in her early 80's and a very lovely, sweet person.  We tell each other stories and have quite a few laughs about our nutty neighbors.  I do look forward to our chats.  The sad thing I have noticed is little by little her mind is slipping and it genuinely make me feel somber and sorrowful.  Why does age have to do that to people?  I worked at the old age home near where I live last week.  Seeing all the beautiful, wonderful people there that have had age ravage them of everything they once had is very much depressing and distressing.  I weep for them in private, wishing they could be what they once were, yet knowing they will never be and have only death waiting on their doorstep.  I also know this is my future.  I will try not to go gentle into that good night but seeing those lovely folks and their struggles with age gives one a true sense of foreboding.  After much consideration, I have decided when I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes thrown over the Ice Rink where I play hockey and the park where I play tennis and run, for these are the places in life where I have felt true joy, love and contentment.  I want no trace of me to exist past my death, so it will be not known that I ever walked on this earth. I know I wont go to heaven because God will not want me.  My hope is to be reincarnated and be an individual that will do something remarkable, like a cure for Cancer, a cure for Alzheimer's or a singer who writes songs to inspire a generation or a President who can stamp out racism and hate of gay people or a leader who can make the violent become peaceful.  Noble goals for the most un-noblest of souls.