The Runner

It was a beautiful fall day today.  So I wanted to write a small piece just to remember this fine day.  It was sunny and 65 degrees.  After work it was time to go for a run.  So into the car and down to the trail I went.  The conditions were absolutely perfect to run.  The run itself was exhilarating.  My mind just focused on the task at hand.  Gliding effortlessly, one foot in front of the other, perfect motion.  It seemed like I could go forever.  I never really got tired.  Then it was over after 4.5 miles.  I felt euphoric, elated and so satisfied in the moment.  Today was sublime and the reason why I love to run

My run made me think of the song "The Runner" by Manfred Mann.
And wouldn't you know, today just happened to be Manfred Mann's birthday.  This day I was "The Runner" and it was splendid.
 

The Empty Room

I saw in the paper today The Barenaked Ladies were appearing in concert this evening in Pittsburgh.  I didn't even know they were still around.  What caught my eye was the lead singer Steven Page was no longer with the group.  I have no real interest in their music at all but I thought it was interesting they were carrying on without him.  How many bands can really survive without the lead singer who was there when they became famous.  I actually watched part of a concert of theirs years ago and thought Steven Page looked rather silly on the stage but who am I to criticize a band playing in front of 10,000 fans.

So all of this made me think of another band that lost its lead singer (after they became semi famous) and tried to carry on.  That would be the one and only Wall of Voodoo.  After their semi underground hit  "Mexican Radio", lead singer Stan Ridgway left the band.  What the hell happened to him after that?  Well some of the boys in Wall of Voodoo decided to carry on.  They made several albums but were unable to recreate the success of the "Mexican Radio" era.

I actually like the above song "The Empty Room".  Which was on the "Happy Planet" album, after Ridgway left the band.  It kinda pertains to me in a sad and pathetic way.  I sit in empty rooms a great deal.  I have alot of time to contemplate things, so these are the kinds of musings that go on in my warped mind. 

Morrissey's Autobiography came out today but it is not available in the USA.  So until then I will have to ponder the predicamants of The Barenaked Ladies and Wall of Voodoo.

The World is Collapsing around our ears

 

I was watching a show about problems in the Black community for young black men and the portrayals of today's Rap artists glorifying the thug lifestyle.  The show centered on a group of underground rappers doing political and thought provoking stuff that doesn't promote a violent lifestyle.  They had in the background of one shot a Pic of KRS One, which made me think of this song......

 

I Know Its Over

Its hard to believe.  My favorite time of the year is over. It seems like it never really even began.  Summer goes by so quickly.  Each day is a new adventure and a potential for new possibilities.  Summer is life, warmth and growth.

It was a great season of tennis, running, enjoyment of warmth and being outside.  So my tennis season went
quite well.  There is nothing more satisfying to me than being on the tennis court on a beautiful summer evening.  No troubles, no worries, no stress.....just me and the ball...  focus and concentration... the beauty of sport... being with my friends.  All good things come to an end, so alas has this summer.

The fall isn't so bad.  What's bad is what comes after fall.  I absolutely despise winter.  It is my enemy.  Winter is cold, death and loneliness.  Soon the leaves will be gone from the trees.  The birds will migrate and the landscape will be barren.  The time goes by so slow, the 3 months of winter are an eternity.

Last week was my first Ice hockey game of the season.  It actually was pretty fun.  I would rather play tennis in a heartbeat though.  I like playing ice Hockey a lot.... I LOVE playing tennis.  Ice Hockey gets me through the winter.  I lean on playing Hockey to make the winter more bearable.  Thank God I have that or I would seriously go out of my mind.

Its quite pathetic,  each day I wake up in the winter, I count in my head the number of days till May begins.
My sad saga continues.  The parts of life I truly enjoy are few and far between.  These bits of life pass so quickly, I never seem to get to enjoy them enough and then they are so quickly gone.  It seems  I'm always left staring at the parts of life I find distasteful.  Will it ever change?

The Most Inept who ever Stepped

So yea, it was the July 4th Holiday and I'm off work and generally psyched cause its summer and hot weather.  So my Mom called and asked me over to my sisters for a cookout on the 4th.  I agreed to go because I haven't seen anyone from my family in like 3 months and thought it would be nice.  I don't eat meat so I really dislike the cooking of animal flesh on the grill but will overlook it this time.  I had talked to my Dad the prior week and he said he missed seeing me.  So I figured going to this was the right thing to do.

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My family is so f-cking weird.  I get there and say hello and immediately told I'm playing in this stupid cornhole tournament.  I really have no interest in playing some ridiculous lawn game throwing bean bags.  Oh no, my family is serious about their cornhole.  Well I say I am not going to stay long so I am not going to play.  You would have thought the world ended.  The controversy it caused was almost as bad as the NSA spying scandal.  There's like all kind of people there but me having no interest in playing has ruined the party.  How inane is that?  They really are into this game.  They spend time dissecting shots and what happened days and even weeks later.
The champions are treated like they just won Wimbledon.  Thank God I left before that part of the evening. 

So I'm sitting there watching these people play this uninteresting, stupid game and thinking to myself WTF am I doing here.  I definitely do not fit in with this crowd.  Unfortunately they are my family, what am I to do.  My Dad who said he missed seeing me said all of 5 words to me while I was there.  Am I missing something here?   I guess I wasn't missed that much.
My Mom hardly spoke to me either.  This is so weird, they want me there but don't have the time to talk.  I think I was duped.

After 2 hours of this torture I had enough and it was time to leave this insane asylum.  I was so happy and relieved to get the hell out of there.
Never again I swear.  It reminds me of the line in Policy of Truth.  Never again is what you swore the time before.  Each time crap like this happens at one of these things I swear never more.  But I go back for my parents sake to make them happy.  I think this was the last straw for me.  I was so upset about all this I had trouble sleeping that night.  Is it worth it?  From now on I'm gonna be busy or have plans etc.  No Mas!  No Mas!

Did you hear about the midnight rambler

Our Moz was spotted on Friday May 3 in Los Angeles at the Staples Center to see The Rolling Stones concert.  From what I have read, it was a pretty good show.  Its amazing The Stones can still play well at their ages.  Its good to see Morrissey out and about.  I sincerely hope his health is good and he is feeling stronger. I would have loved to hear his thoughts on the show.  I'm not a particular fan of The Stones but they do have some iconic tunes that have stood the test of time.  What is truly astounding is that Keith Richards is still alive.  Maybe he really isn't human, he could actually be a zombie and will be around forever.
But I digress, its good to see Our Moz as always and I hope he enjoyed the concert.

Generals Order Their Soldiers to Kill

And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten.

This week the George W. Bush Presidential Library opened in honor of his 2 terms as President.  While I never disliked him personally, his decision to enter into a war with Iraq was one of the worst mistakes ever made by a President and will have disastrous consequences for years to come.  It was nice to see all the living Presidents together and the bipartisanship was welcome in this world of disharmony.

In the days after 9/11/01 the decision was made to invade Iraq as part of the Bush Doctrine on the war on terror.  The Administration said that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.  The intelligence they used was "cooked up" and faulty from some unreliable sources.  They used this to sell the war to the American public (who was scared after 9/11).  It is now known all of this wasn't true, no WMD's.  How disgusting, thousands of Americans and Iraqi's died because of lies.  There is no question that Saddam was a bad man but after the first Gulf War he was contained by the no fly zone and barely in control of his country.
It was also said Saddam had ties to Al-Qaida and so therefore was indirectly involved with 9/11.  Another falsehood foisted upon the American public.  Saddam was intensely hated by Bin Laden because his was a secular ruler and did not run a theist state based on Islam.  Bin Laden had plans to actually try to overthrow Saddam.  We were also supposedly going to be seen as liberators and would be welcomed with flowers.  Once again lies and and a major miscalculation.  Iraq is a country made up of Sunni, Shia and Kurds.  Saddam was a Sunni so was his Basque party that  ruled the country.  The Sunni are the minority in the country and there has always been serious tension between the sects.  So once we invaded and deposed Saddam the tensions exploded and there was a serious insurgency that the administration never expected.  How stupid were these people in the administration.  Even a dope like me knew that major problems would erupt because of the religious divisions of Iraq.

So this is the Legacy of President Bush.  A decision to invade a country who had No WMD's, no connection to 9/11, no threat to the USA and because of it, thousands of American soldiers lost their lives and many thousands of innocent Iraq'is died for no reason.  How could a person live with that on their conscience?  While I agree the President needs to keep our country safe from the many threats in today's world.  The Iraq war was a horrid example of an Administration out of control, selling the public on lies and half truths to do something that was unnecessary.  The consequences of this disastrous decision will continue for many years.  The money that was spent there could have been used to help the American people with infrastructure improvement, healthcare etc.  The deficits run up from this war are massive and continue as a burden on our economy.
In the future we need to be vigilant in our fight against terrorism but never again should we be so vulnerable that we allow our government to run rampant into something similar to Iraq.  Many thousands have paid the ultimate price and we must never let it happen again.

The Things That Dreams Are Made Of

I normally wake up in the morning in a grumpy mood due to the fact I hate getting up early and having to go to work.  This morning was different.  I actually woke up with a smile on my face and in a good mood.  Here is the reason.  It was a dream I had just before I woke up.

I would say 99.9% of my dreams are bad dreams or nightmares.  (Sometimes I wonder if my life isn't a bad dream but that's another story).  I can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream.  So this was definitely quite a surprise I tell you.

My dream started on the first day of school in a High School.  I was sitting in a class.  I have no idea what subject of the class was.  The teacher was a lady and sitting at her desk.  The students were all seated at their desks and waiting for the class to begin.  I looked around and didn't see a familiar face in the room.  All of the sudden I got up and went to the front of the room and asked the teacher if I could sing a song.  Now this has to be a dream because in real life I can't sing and I am the ultimate Wallflower so I would never ever do this.  The teacher said it was ok that I sing a song.  So I turned to the class and said "Before class begins I'm going to sing a song for you guys".  No one said anything but I was given some strange looks from the kids in the class.  I heard one kid say "I heard he was weird".  So I confronted him and asked how he knew that since he didn't know me.  He apologized and said that he was sorry.  After that a discussion began about several different topics including sexuality, bullying and the problems between the different groups in a High School.
When the discussion concluded it was time for me to sing.  I sang the song "You Have Killed Me"  by Morrissey and I belted it out of the park.  The class responded with a standing ovation...........Then BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.......my alarm was going off and it was back to reality.  Instead of being in a bad mood waking up, I was smiling because of the dream I just had.

I have no idea what that dream meant or how to analyze it.  I know I have been listening to "You Have Killed Me" a lot recently.  It has become one of my favorite Morrissey songs.  It was nice to wake up happy instead of miserable for a change.  I sure hope I have a few more of these kind of dreams in the future.  It sure would make getting up more bearable in the morning.

Boston

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the victims, families and those affected by the horrid bombings at the Boston Marathon.  To those deceased, may they rest in peace and to their families may they have comfort and love.  To those injured, may they heal and become whole
once again.   To all affected by this tragedy, don't give in to the terrorists and stay strong, don't let the terrorists win.

I Feel Summer Creeping in

Finally some warm weather has arrived.  It felt like the cold was going to continue forever.  Hopefully the warmth will decide to stay awhile.  I was able to go run 5 miles today.  It was just an all around great day to go running.  I am so looking forward to  5 or 6 months of some nice weather to enjoy.  I was able to roll down the windows, open the sun roof and turn up the car stereo on my way back and forth from the track.
Here is my play list (No one cares but I thought I would list it so I could look back and remember this wonderful day):
"I'm Afraid of Americans"    David Bowie
"Perfect Skin"   Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
"Irish Blood, English Heart"   Morrissey
"First of the Gang to Die"    Morrissey
"What Difference Does it Make"   The Smiths
"How Soon is Now"   The Smiths
"Bigmouth Strikes Again"   The Smiths
"Glamorous Glue"    Morrissey

I'll Get Down on My Knees and Pray

We Don't Get Fooled Again

So today is April Fools day.  I was just sitting here thinking about religion, The Catholic Church etc.

Does that make me a fool for thinking of such things or am I just a fool in general.  Regardless, with yesterday being Easter and today April Fools, I thought that was an interesting coincidence in timing.

If Jesus came back today, what would he think of the Catholic Church?  So many beautiful ornate buildings, a  Pope, Cardinals and Bishops who live luxurious lives.  Scholars at the Vatican who argue how many Angels can fit on the head of a pin.  Is this what the church should be about?  I thought the mission of the church is to feed the poor, heal the sick, shelter for the homeless, assistance for the elderly and help for those in need.

I just don't see it happening.  There is a major disconnect.  The Catholic Church seems to be more about prestige and power and wealth rather than a mission of helping those in need.

There has been a new Pope installed.  He seems to be a very humble man, possibly more dedicated to a church that will rededicate itself to a mission of helping people.  Only time will tell.  The Church is still living in the 1500's instead of the 2000's and they wonder why with a better educated populace, people drift away.  People can't use condoms while having sex?  That's ridiculous and anyone with a tad of intelligence knows it.  Priests can't marry?  Almost every other religion allows it, plus it gives more eligible candidates.  What the hell does a Priest know about marriage to advise a married couple, wouldn't better advice come from someone who is married and lived it?  Why can't a woman be a priest?  Woman are just as Holy or Holier than men.  There is no reason a woman cannot tend to a flock.  Many other religions allow women as Ministers and they do a fine job.  What about confession?  Why do I have to confess my sins to a Priest?  If I have committed a sin and truly sorry, I can confess to God directly.  God knows if you feel sorry and are truly repentant.  Do you think mindlessly repeating some Our Father's, Hail Mary's and Glory Be's will absolve you?  And these buildings, these palaces of worship, are they really necessary?   Instead of building these palatial cathedrals, wouldn't it be better to spend money on helping those in need?   What about people who mindlessly go to Mass, who screw people over all week in their lives?  Do they believe because they go to Mass its ok.  It thoroughly disgusts me.  What about the Church's position on Gay people?  How vile that they think Gay people are damned to hell.  I thought God created Mankind in his image.  I thought we were put on this earth as brothers and sisters and to love everyone.  I guess that only applies to the certain chosen.  How ridiculous.

As I sit here on April Fools day, maybe I'm just thinking foolish thoughts.  Will the Catholic Church ever change.  I think its highly doubtful.  Organizations such as this are caught up in their bureaucracy and move like snails.  Those at the top don't like change.  The hierarchy live a life of privilege and wealth and has no idea what is going in the lives of common folks.  How sad that the Church of St Peter is bastion of wealth and power instead of an institution dedicated to service to those in need.

My Fingernails are Broken, I'm going Insane

                                          There I am, taking a shot on Goal in Warm ups.

When the hell is this winter going to be over?   Didn't Mother Nature get the memo that spring started March 20th?  We just had 6 inches of snow yesterday.  I like winter about as much as I like getting up for work each morning.  Winter is death to me.  All the trees have no leaves and the flowers are gone.  Its as cold as a corpse on the undertakers slab.  I can't play tennis or go running.  I can't go out in shorts & T Shirt, ride in my car with the windows down and my stereo blaring Morrissey or The Smiths.  I am so pathetic I wake up each morning and count the number of days till spring starts.  Well now that spring has started, it still appears to be winter.  My patience is wearing thin.

I pass the time in winter by playing Ice Hockey.  Playing hockey somewhat makes winter tolerable for me.
I stink at Hockey like everything else I do in life but at least it is something to do.  After the game some of my teammates and I go to the club for some beer.  Now there is something I am good at, I can drink a lot of beer.  But I drink Lite beer so therefor I am a lightweight.  I also workout at home everyday after work with weights and my exercise bike but I am going stir crazy being cooped up inside.

Spring is supposed to be rejuvenation.  The trees blossoming, flowers blooming. and the temperature warming.  This means life to me.  I can get out and start running and playing tennis.  No more being caged up like some prisoner at a state pen.  Maybe this is all a dream?  Maybe I'm in Purgatory, stuck in limbo with a winter that never ends.  Oh wait the Church said there is no Purgatory anymore, I forgot.  So this could be Hell for me.  My Hell wouldn't be hot, it would be being stuck in permanently cold weather with snow.  So I have no choice but to wait with utmost impatience for this endless winter to be over.  Writing about it made me feel slightly better.  The first 75 degree day will send me into untold bliss.

Heal Thyself Moz

Morrissey's US Tour has been cancelled due to health reasons.  Moz had been recovering from a bleeding ulcer and Barrett's esophagus and resumed touring.  He has just recently been diagnosed with double pneumonia.  It is a wise decision to cancel.  The main thing is for Morrissey to get his health back.  So rest relaxation and nutrition are most important now.  I cannot imagine a world without Morrissey.  He has influenced and touched so many lives.  I so care for this man, I cannot put it in words. His loyal fans are all praying for him to recover and be fully healthy no matter how long it takes. Moz, you are in our hearts and minds, get better and we will all be here waiting for your triumphant return.
With Much Love,
Harrison

I've Gone to Look for America

Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, John Lennon, Malcom X, Medgar Evers, 20 5 & 6 year olds & 6 staff @ Newtown Conn., Columbine, Virginia Tech, Sikh Temple, Tupac Shakur, Biggie Smalls, Numerous Police Officers, Domestic Violence Victims, Black on Black Crime Victims,  Accidental Victims, Kent State, Trayvon Martin, Aurora Movie Theatre, Gabby Giffords Townhall Meeting,  Countless High School Shootings,  Workplace shootings, 11,000 US citizens per year die from gun violence.   How many more innocent children have to needlessly die from guns?  Now don't you think the USA needs some sort of Gun Control?

I Was Born One Morning When the Sun Didn't Shine

I have never told a soul that when I was 13, I was molested by some stranger in the Mall.  Why now?  I just feel it should be written. This way there is a record.   I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.  Just stating a fact.  I never told anyone at the time because I was so embarrassed and frightened, I didn't know what to do, so I kept it to myself.  I'm not going into details but I was there by myself and not paying attention and this man cornered me.  It was over quickly and I was stunned.  I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, told nobody.  Suffered the shame in silence through the years.  Even now I feel rather queasy writing about it because its a stigma, a black mark. Its like I'm damaged goods.  Yes it was damaging at the time.  I couldn't sleep right for awhile.  I became even more isolated and distant.  Time goes on and memories dim somewhat.  I had no one to tell that I could trust.  I look back now and wonder how I went on but I did.

I am pretty much over it by now, very seldom ever think of it.  It was just another scar of life that you cannot see but doesn't really heal too well on the inside.  So yea because of it, I really don't trust people very much or it takes me a long time to develop any trust in someone.  I am painfully shy around strangers.  I am quite awkward socially.  Its ok, I live with it and its fine.  I have friends but I would call them more like acquaintances because they don't really know the real me, the part that's inside I don't make public.  Again its ok, I survive with internal strength.

I was outside the other day doing some exercises.  It was very cold and I noticed a small bird on a limb near me.  He was just sitting there watching me (probably wondering what that idiot was doing).  He seemed cold, lonely and hungry shivering on his limb.  I decided to put some bread out every once and awhile and he can get some food and comfort from it in the cold.  After some reflection I thought, yes that bird is me.  Cold, lonely and hungry but not physically hungry.  My hunger is for understanding, knowledge, reason, explaining the non explainable and maybe even someone to lean on emotionally.  So many questions. Wondering why we are put on this earth?  What purpose am I here for?   Is this all there is?  Does it get any better than this?  Why do things happen the way they do?

As I continue to muddle my way through life I will ponder these questions.  Searching for answers that I will never find in most cases. Trying to improve my life and treating other folks with respect and honor.  Did writing this change anything?  Not particularly.  I wanted to write about it and I did.  I don't feel any better or worse.  It was something that happened that changed my life and me.  I wasn't a child anymore after it, the innocence was gone.  You can't get that back.  I'm kind of amazed that I got this far in life after the horrid incident.  So once again, no pity, no sympathy just a small slice of life written down and noted.

Back Where You Belong!

Morrissey has returned to the stage after recovery from several ailments.  He played a show in San Diego and then on March 1 a triumphant affair at the Staples Center.  He also played at the Hollywood High School which sold out in 12 seconds.  I watched several clips from the Staples Center show.  Moz looks and sounds fantastic.  The encore at Staples was "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side" which is a personal favorite of mine.  The Blue Rose ring was also passed to Our Moz in LA.  I'm anxiously waiting to see what happens with Moz  and The Blue Rose Society after this significant event.  Once again, Viva Morrissey!!
Back where he belongs, thrilling his legions of fans, on the stage singing and performing his beautiful music.

Miss Shirley Bassey

Incomparable Class, Elegance, Grace, Style and Damn it can she SING!!!

And I'm Turning to You to Save Me

Yes, a Morrissey song and lyrics saved my life some years ago.  "How Soon is Now" helped to stop me from doing something stupid and for that I am eternally grateful to Morrissey.  What happened is far too complicated and painful to explain and write about now.  Someday I will.  His songs helped me through many a troubled time.  When I had nobody to talk to and no one who cared.  I could listen to Morrissey and I felt comforted.  There was someone out there who knew what I was going through.  The reason I am writing this is that I saw on True to you a post from Morrissey about seeing Kirk Douglas the other day while on a stroll.  Apparently Douglas is someone Morrissey admires.  He wrote about deciding whether to approach him and in the end he didn't.  This got me to thinking.  What would I do if I saw Morrissey out in public.  Would I approach him or would decide to leave him alone?

I admire Morrissey for many reasons, his music has been the soundtrack of my life.  He and his music are intelligent, he is independent, he has integrity and of course most of all his music did save me.  So the question is what would I do if I saw him?  I honestly don't know.  I am very shy around strangers and basically never talk to anyone I don't know.  Is Morrissey really a stranger?  It seems like I know him through his lyrics.  I believe he is a very complex individual, there is more to him than just his lyrics and stage persona.  So no, I don't really know him.  I have seen clips of him meeting fans, signing autographs and posing for pictures.  He is always very gracious and is very accommodating.  I think it would get old to be constantly bothered by fans and such.  So in that sense my instinct would be to not interrupt him and let him have his privacy.

In my heart though I want to thank him in person for writing such beautiful songs and for basically helping to save my life.  Now how would I approach Morrissey?  I cant imagine just walking up to him and saying "Hi Morrissey".  It seems so tacky for someone of Morrissey's stature.  I was thinking I could memorize a witty Oscar Wilde quote and say Hello with the quote.  Well that would be real unoriginal.  I'm sure Morrissey would think, get me away from this loser.  So that idea is out the window.  How do you approach someone you admire when you feel you cant match up with his intelligence, wit and charm?  How could I tell Morrissey the story of how his song saved my life, what his music has meant to me and thank him in a 1 minute chance encounter on a street?

The answer is I don't think I would approach Morrissey if I saw him.  I admire him beyond what words I could write or say to him.  He has fans bother him all the time and I think he deserves some privacy and to enjoy his stroll without being interrupted.  He knows how much his fans love him and how much his music has affected peoples lives.  I would be disappointed in not meeting him but satisfied I got to see him and know I didn't get in the way of his thoughts and enjoyment of doing what he was doing.  Well this was all hypothetical, its never gonna happen and that's ok.  I still wish I could thank him.  Its something that will always be in the back of my mind, wishing I could meet him but knowing I never will.  Its part of life.  There are a thousand things in life you can have and a million things you can't have.

The Flesh You so Fancifully Fry

Is not succulent, tasty or nice.

Why is it, in the 21st century there is still a need to eat meat?  You would think in this modern culture with all of the inventions, supplements and variations of cuisine there would be no need to kill animals to eat.  Is meat eating so ingrained in our culture that we cannot change to a different diet?  A society should be judged on how we treat those with no voice.  Well then this society is doing a miserable job.  Why does a person with a pet dog think it disgusting to eat dog but more than happy to eat a cow or a pig or a chicken.  They are beautiful animals with a soul too.  Do they deserve to die and then be eaten?  Is that what god intended for these innocent creatures?  Now I can see hundreds of years ago when man was much less civilized and did not have the options that we have today that animal flesh was one of his few options.  In our modern world of 2013, there is no reason or excuse for killing and eating animals.  Vegetarian and vegan cuisine is quite delicious and its very healthy for you too!!

I was once a carnivore and for that I am truly sorry.  Animals did not need to die so I lived.  Meat eating was part of life for me, it was how I was brought up.  I never questioned it.  Some type of meat was always part of dinner or lunch.  It took a lot of thought and reflection to realize there was no need for me to eat meat and it was wrong to do so.  A big part of my decision was the adamant stance of Morrissey for animal rights.  He  has always been an advocate for animals and vegetarianism and I so respect his views.  He sings the song "Meat is Murder" at each of his concerts along with a video showing how animals are slaughtered.  Its a very powerful riveting performance.

In conclusion, I hope our society can move to a culture where people no longer need to eat meat.  A vegetarian diet is not only healthy for you, it is also very tasty.  Unfortunately, I don't see people changing.  Most people are too caught up in their own pathetic lives to think and reflect about how we should treat those with no voice.  Vegetarians and vegans are seen by a lot of people as strange or weird, so most people would never consider going outside the mainstream.  I hope there will be more movement to meat free diets but I don't have much hope of anything changing in the near future.

Good Looking Man About Town

Quite a Handsome Devil

It sounds like Morrissey is on on the mend.  That is great news!  The above photograph was taken of Moz leaving a Soundgarden concert in Los Angeles this week.  He also issued a delightfully worded statement today on True to You saying he was getting better but still needed more IV treatments.  Apparently his bleeding ulcer had left him needing multiple transfusions and is taking its time healing.  I'm just happy he is getting better so that news made today a really good day.  Now as far as Soundgarden, hmmmm yikes, I think Chris Cornell's screeching could give me a bleeding ulcer.  I think I would rather see A Flock of Seagulls.  I think Mike Score performs wearing a baseball cap so I guess he is going bald which is sad cause he used to have his hair made up like Seagull wings.  Sorry but I digress. The main thing is our Moz is healing up and will be back giving joy to his adoring fans very soon.

Sing Me to Sleep

I love to sleep.  It seems to be the only time I am at peace.  No problems, troubles, difficulties or stress.  I'd rather be asleep than be in the real world.  Is that strange?  In the morning when its time to get up for work.  I say no, let me stay in my trance.  I don't want to face reality.  Unfortunately I cant do that.  Sleep is so comforting.  Being unconscious is a blessing for me.  I have no idea what's going on in reality and its perfect.  My own little make believe world.

Funny thing is I don't have many dreams I remember, so that is good.  This past Saturday I had a dream some guy was choking me with his hands around my neck.  I couldn't breathe, it was horrible.  I woke up and my heart was fluttering like a hummingbirds wings. I realized it was only a dream.  I was quite relieved and in a few minutes I was back in a deep slumber.  I have another dream every once and awhile that a burglar is in my house and I am hiding under my covers.  I am petrified and can't move.  I don't know what to do.  Then the light goes on in my room.  What the hell is going on?  Does he know I'm there?  Is he gonna kill me?  Should I get up and fight him?  The situation is reaching a climax.  Then I wake up shaking like a leaf.  Its not real.  I will live to see another day.  No problem, back to sleep in a few minutes.  Even with bad nightmares, I'd still rather be asleep.

A lot of people wish to die in their sleep.  Of course I hope that happens to me someday(not too soon).  It would be so peaceful to leave this existence in serene slumber.  As Morrissey so appropriately wrote in the song "Asleep",  "There is another world. There is a better world. Well, there must be. Well, there must be.".  

I Never Talk to My Neighbor

I'd Rather not get Involved...

Today I went to get the oil changed on my vehicle.  I went into the waiting room to sit and noticed a man sitting there in one of the seats.  He was looking at his phone and didn't acknowledge my presence.  This was fine with me as I'm not the friendliest individual on the planet.  So I sat down and looked at my phone.

Out of the corner of my eye I looked at the guy. His head never moved still staring into his phone.  I thought he must be busy with work stuff or just consumed with what he was doing.  I am uncomfortable around strangers, I guess maybe its self confidence?  shyness?  or maybe I just don't trust people very much.  So I was content to just sit there pretending to be interested in my phone till my oil change was done.

Then the guys phone rang.  Apparently it was a friend of his checking up on him.  I really didn't want to hear his call but there was no choice in the matter.  His friend was worried about him because this poor man's wife just died of cancer.  His daughters were having a rough time in college.  One wanted to quit and come home.  They missed their mother terribly. The daughters could possibly have some kind of gene that their mom had.  The man was having a difficult time organizing the remnants of his life and trying to hold things together for his family.  Inside my mind I felt so bad for this guy, some stranger in an oil change waiting room.  I wanted to say "I'm so sorry for your loss".  Would that be appropriate?  An eavesdropper on his phone call is what I was.  I would have liked to have done something to make him feel better.   But the ineffectual lump that I am, I just sat there staring at my phone pretending not to notice

His car was done, bill paid and out the door.  Another moment in time over, a chance to make someone feel better missed.  Another life situation lived and another person gone from my life I will never see again or know what happened to.  I did say a prayer for the man and his family and hoped his life would get better.

I realized what a difficult life some people have to live but they have to hold things together for the ones they love who are still here.  Has this small situation changed me at all?  Probably not.  If the same thing happened tomorrow. I think that I would do exactly the same thing.  I guess I'm slightly disappointed in myself.  I wish I could be more outgoing and friendly but that's not me and will never be me.  The one who needs care and concern this evening is the poor man that was in that waiting room and I sincerely hope things work out for the best for him and his family.

I Was Born for the Seventh Time

Have you ever been somewhere you have never been and thought "I have been here before".  That happens to me a lot, its weird.  So what happens when you die?  Do you arbitrarily go to hell or heaven depending on what God decides?  Do you cease to exist in both body and soul?  Another possibility is you could be reincarnated.  The problem is you will have to die to find out which of these paths you take.  People who have come close to death or have been dead a few minutes and brought back say they see a bright light and feel comforted.  Is that just your brain in the process of shutting down or is the entrance to another existence.  General George Patton was a firm believer in reincarnation.  In North Africa after he replaced General Lloyd Fruedenthal after the disastrous battle of Kasserine Pass, he wanted to check out the battlefield.  On his way there, he told his driver to turn onto this bumpy path.  The driver said no the battlefield was straight ahead.  They went on this path and here it was an ancient battlefield between the Romans and the Carthaginians.  Patton explained the battle and when asked how he knew it so well he replied "I was here at the battle"

I am not sure if I believe in reincarnation but too many times I am someplace and I feel I was at this place and know it but I don't know how.  I have thoughts and memories of different places, situations but yet I was never there to have those things happen.  Is it coincidence?  Is it my mind playing tricks on me?  I don't know.  I can't figure it out.  Its a puzzle I can't solve, its a riddle I don't understand.  What was I in my prior life?  A dog, man's best friend loyal to my master?  A cat, purring and cozying up with my owner.  Could I have been a woman married to some bastard husband who was cheating on me?  The possibilities are endless.  So why ask why?  Its a feeling I have that there has been more than one journey for me.  Could God have sent my soul back because I wasn't good enough to get into heaven and this is punishment?  Its a possibility. As life goes on, I am going to continue to think and reflect to see if I can come up with some form of coherent answer to this situation.  I hate giving into the fact I will have to die to know what happens to my soul (or lack of one).  There is no truth or evidence I can come up with at this time, so I continue to exist (barely).

There's a place in the Stars

For when you get old.....

I was at a large home for the elderly today for work.  I am just reflecting on my day there.   I can still see the faces.  Some were sad.  Some were lonely.  Some had no expression at all, just sitting there waiting to die. There were a few that were active and seemed ok.  Most just seemed resigned to the fact they were losing their battle with life.  I wanted to reach out and give a lady a hug or touch a man on his arm and say "Hello, how are you?".  But I had to do my work.  I smiled alot but most of the time I tried not to make eye contact because I felt so sad inside for these poor people. I wanted to help them but there was nothing I could do.   These folks are angels and may god bless every one of them.  Most of them have few visitors, basically abandoned by their families.  So they sit there and watch TV or mindlessly stare out the window.  Maybe they dream of the days when they were young.  This is the way they end their lives. To live out your life like this is terrible.  I don't want to end up in some institution like this on my way to death.  The fact is though if you cant care for yourself and have no place else to go, this is where you end up.  It really made me think.  Is this what you have to look forward to?  But instead of worrying about myself, I am feeling compassion for those folks I saw today.  There's no way anyone can stop their aging. I sure wish god could give those folks some comfort in their last years, months, days.  Ease their pains, give some small joys and a little bit of happiness, they certainly deserve it.

Je pense a toi Morrissey

Two more concerts have been cancelled on Morrissey's USA tour on 2/9 and 2/10 due to doctors orders.  A statement by Morrissey on TTY said he is suffering from a concussion, bleeding ulcer and Barrett's Esophagus.  I have been so worried over our Moz's health since I heard what his afflictions were.  Bleeding ulcers are very serious and must be treated with utmost care.  I know a concussion takes some time but should heal up on its own.  I had never heard of Barrett's esophagus but it apparently is a complication of GERD and the lining of the esophagus becomes inflamed.  I imagine Morrissey was suffering quite a bit and it makes me sad he had to go through all that pain and discomfort.  My hope and prayer is that he will get treated and feel much better.  I just hate when someone has to suffer with physical afflictions.   All of his fans are thinking of him and praying for his speedy and full recovery.  I see all the twitter posts from the wonderful folks in The Blue Rose Society reflecting their concern and hope that all will turn out for the best.  For me, not really knowing anything is the worst.  Its terrible when someone you care about is ailing and you can't do anything to help.  I'm not the most religious person but I am praying.

Because Morrissey is such a unique and special individual, he brings out passions in his fans.  His music and lyrics have meant so much to people and have affected so many lives.  I know they have in mine. Every fan has special stories of what certain Morrissey songs have meant and how they have  been a part of their life.  Also, how his songs have changed their lives.  These are the reasons we all care so much for this man.

Morrissey,  I am thinking of of you, The Blue Rose Society is thinking of you, we are all thinking of you.  Praying for your good health and full recovery.  When you feel better you can get back to where you belong, ruling the stage and singing your wonderful songs to your adoring fans.  GET WELL SOON MOZ!

When a Problem Comes Along, you must...

WHIP IT!!!!!

Life seems to have so many roadblocks, palisades and barricades.  Why does it seem everyday is a fight?
The noise of life, it never stops.  Can't things ever be easy?  Some people seem to have lives that no matter what they do, things always fall into place for them.  Others seem to have no luck and nothing goes right.  So why is this?  Are some people blessed with good fortune, while others don't ever catch a break?  The other thing is when things seem to being going well, then of course problems always pop up.  Life has so many twists and turns.  It is good to have some struggles because it teaches you lessons in life.  It gets ridiculous when no matter what you do there has to be a struggle.  It wears you down and makes you weary.  And when bad things happen all the time, its seems you're always waiting for another problem to happen.  That's no way to live your life.  Maybe attitude has something to do with it?  Some people don't let problems get them down while others can't handle difficulties.

I am slightly envious of those who never seem to have a problem and sail through life with nothing but good luck.  I am very proud of those who have various issues in their lives and continue on with strength and grace.  People who have serious health issues but continue to fight them and live a strong and wonderful life are hero's.  Good health is a blessing and anyone who doesn't have good health knows it.  So when a problem comes up for me, I need to think of those who have way worse problems such a life threatening health problems.  I need to say to myself yes you have problems but they can certainly be much worse.
Everyday is a fight but we have to keep our heads up and not give in.  So problem solvers of the world I salute you.

My Ambition was to have ambitions

What is one's life path when born with no special talents or abilities?  In the movie "The Perks of being a Wall Flower"  one of the main characters was nicknamed "Nothing".  That fits me to a T.  I proudly bear the moniker of "Nothing"  because basically that is what I have amounted to.  Am I complaining, whining, crying?  No, just stating a simple fact.

I have always loved music and unfortunately I can't sing.  I have no special musical talents or abilities either.  How do I know this?  When in 4th grade our school music teacher had each of us do a project to determine our abilities.  His name was Mr. Musick, how ironic is that?  I did my presentation and was shot down in flames in front of the entire class.  How embarrassing it was.  I wanted to run and hide under a desk but no, I just stood there and took the snide remarks.  It is quite sad, a grown man getting his jollies putting down a 10 year old boy.  Well that sure ended my hope of ever thinking I could get into music.

Sports was an area that was a possibility.  My Dad was a tremendous athlete.  He was the all time leading scorer at his college in basketball and also drafted by a Major league baseball team.  Well lucky me, none of his genes apparently rubbed off on me.  As Morrissey said "I am the son and the heir of nothing in particular".  I played  sports when I was young and wasn't very good at any of them.  I was awkward, lanky and uncoordinated.
What a disappointment, the son of this sports legend was lousy at sports.  I was supposed to be the next big star.  Of course It was my fault I didn't have any ability.  How do you feel as a 12 year old when you're told you're a sissy or you're worthless cause you cant put a leather ball through an iron hoop.  See my drift?  "Nothing"

So what does one think when they aren't any good at what they would love to be or what they are expected to be?  What ambitions did I then have?  To be an accountant?  a Bank teller?  A Mechanic?  An Engineer?
These are all fine occupations but I don't think people lie awake dreaming of being an accountant or one having a special talent or creativity to be a Bank Teller.  So there in lies the problem, to have ambitions.  When people tell you enough times you are worthless well then you become "Nothing".   How can people be so cruel to a young child because he isn't what they expect?   As life goes drifting by, I ponder these questions, situations and ask why?  There is no real answer but its funny how life turns out, you can let life rule you or you can rule your life.  Unfortunately, I let life rule me and hence "Nothing".

Morrissey - Heinz Hall, Pittsburgh - 1/21/13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M-2B11J6G0

I had waited for this moment for a long time.  Finally my chance to see Morrissey was here.  It was a cold windy evening in Pittsburgh.  Heinz Hall is quite a beautiful venue and I feel appropriate for an artist of the stature of Moz.  My friend and I walked through the chandeliered lobby up the steps to our seats in the balcony  (and yes I know its hard to believe a loser like me can actually have a friend).  I brought a blue rose for Morrissey but I knew I couldn't get it to him because of our seats so I attached it to my sport coat as a symbol of my support for him and what he stands for.  I was actually nervous and excited at the same time.

The time had arrived and there he was walking on the stage with his fine band for a quick bow.   Standing there was the man I respect and love, ready to begin a concert for his fans in Pittsburgh.  The band took their places and he tore into "Shoplifters of the World".   It was fantastic.  Morrissey's voice was strong and tender at the same time.   Morrissey owns the stage, you cant take your eyes off  him.  He whips that mic cord around with power and feeling.  The entire experience is an epiphany for someone who so loves Moz.  It is one thing to read about concerts and see videos but another to actually see him live.

Some of the other highlights of this enchanting evening was a mesmerizing performance of "November Spawned a Monster".  Moz's new drummer Anthony Burulcich particularly shined on this song with strong percussion.
"Let Me Kiss You" sounded great and saw Morrissey take off his shirt and
toss it into an adoring audience.  I have to say Moz is looking quite fit!  There were several stage invaders who had the pleasure and privilege to give our Moz a hug.  Morrissey was so touching and intimate on "Please, Please, Please", I felt chills up my spine.  "Everyday is Like Sunday"  was spectacular and rousing for me.  I knew about the video on "Meat is Murder".  The song in conjunction with the video was powerful and sent a message that the way we treat our animals is horrid.  I am glad Morrissey does both and I am in complete agreement with him that meat eating is murder.  And the crescendo of the evening was the incomparable encore of "How Soon is Now", my favorite song of all time.

I thank Morrissey for giving me one of the best nights of my life.  I will never forget it.  I hope sometime in the future to see him again and hopefully get closer to the stage.  So all I can say now is BRAVO Morrissey!

Get Well Soon Moz

It has been reported Morrissey has a bleeding ulcer and will have to cancel several tour dates.  Bleeding Ulcers can be quite serious.  So my thoughts and prayers go out to Moz for a speedy and full recovery. 

I just saw Morrissey in concert on January 21 in Pittsburgh.  He was absolutely wonderful.  It was one of the best nights of my life.  Morrissey owns the stage and I am hoping he can get back on tour soon so other fans can enjoy him as I did.

Its hard to be Left Handed

Where do I belong?  Andromeda

I really don't fit here in this world.  I never have.  I have always been odd or the outsider.  A new place would be nice.  This world is dull, dreary and cliched.  Andromeda could be new, exciting and an adventure.  I think I will go there. 

Oh wait, my pea sized brain forgot here in the 21st century there is no way of traveling that far.  Kevin Spacey did it in K-Pax but that was just a movie. 

So what are my alternatives?  I think there are none.  So in the words of Martin Rossiter in the song "Left handed"... On the Isle of Man, I'll serve my time.