Stop

                                                          The scene outside today

I want the hands of time to stop right now.  It is July 31, the end of another month of summer.  It is a dazzling day filled with radiant sunshine.  I want to embrace the moment, treasure it, so I never forget it.  I want to hold on to this for as long as I can.  Tennis will be wonderful this evening.  I beg for time to go into slow motion but alas I know it won't.  Too soon it's over and done.  Time is an evil bastard.

                                                                          Stop

                                                                   Beautiful Day

                                                                   Sing Your Life

I'm an Anti Dentite

So today was my dreaded annual trip to the Dentist.  I don't know why I get worried about going to the Dentist.  I have only ever had one cavity.  I suppose one of the only gifts I was ever given is strong teeth.  I am always worried the Dentist will come in, after inspecting the X-Rays and say I have 5 cavities.  What I really hate most is the Hygienist who cleans my teeth.  I call her "The Marquis de Sade".  I don't call her that to her face of course.  I just think of it as she is torturing me with that damned metal pick of hers.  I really do think she enjoys inflicting pain on her patients because they didn't floss enough or didn't brush the correct way.  She politely smiles and says "Now that didnt hurt did it?"  In her evil mind she's thinking "Pain, Pain, Pain" for the Anti Dentite.  So now this evening my mouth feels like Napoleon's Army attacked it with bayonets drawn.  And after The Marquis de Sade was done torturing me with her metal pick, the Dentist finally came in.  He is a very genteel fellow, a total opposite of The Marquis.  He poked around in my mouth for about a minute and in a slightly disappointed tone he announced, "You don't have any cavities."

Now on a serious note.  A Dentist from Minnesota named Walter Palmer murdered a lion in Africa who was lovingly known to the locals as Cecil the Lion.  He apparently paid $50,000 and had 2 guides with him.  They used bait to lure Cecil outside the nature preserve where he lived.  He shot Cecil with a crossbow but that didn't kill him.  They tracked Cecil for 40 hours and finally found him and shot him to death with guns.  It makes me so angry I can't think of words to describe what a despicable act this was and what a loathsome person this individual is.  I wish he could be put into a cage with no weapons and several hungry lions and see what happens.  Or maybe he could be hunted by several men with high powered rifles with scopes and see how he likes it.  He is apparently wanted by the government of Zimbabwe for this shameful act and is now in hiding.  I sincerely hope he is found and deported there to face some kind of justice.  Unfortunately, this will not bring back Cecil the lion.  And lest we forget, every day millions upon millions of animals are murdered by humans, what a bunch of hypocrites we humans are.

Find My Nest of Salt

The Great Compromise of 2015

The widely anticipated Sumarongi College Board of Regents took place.  It was an emergency meeting called because Scholar Emeritus "Ye Olde Farte" was attempting to force the School of Fine Arts Fall Musical to be a production based on the songs of the singer Taco.  The Drama Department head Pantz A, DeLeon was vehemently against this as she had decided to do a review of the music of Patty Smyth.  Her and the Chairman of the School of Fine Arts, Foodwin P. Elegante went to Sumarongi Chancellor John to ask that a Board of Regents meeting be called to discuss the matter.  When they went in to Chancellor John's office he didn't know who the hell they were because of his worsening case of Alzheimer's. They then went to the real power at Sumarongi, Dean James and he agreed to call a meeting.

Meeting Attendees
Chancellor John, Dean James, Scholar in Residence:  Culpepper Pemplefelt, Scholar Emeritus:  "Ye Olde Farte", School of Fine Arts Chairman:  Dr. Foodwin P. Elegante, Drama Department Head:  Pantz A. Deleon, Computer Science Department Head:  Dr. Cobol D. Clodpate,  Science Department Head:  Dr. Mortimer A. Magpie,  School of Business Chairman:  Paul Bunion, The Alumni Honorarium:  Baroness Von Vegalilly of Luxembourg and Chief of Security: Zell U. Light.

Scholar Emeritus:  "Ye Olde Farte".  Despite his title, "Ye Olde Farte"  wields a great amount of power at Sumarongi.  The honor of being called "Ye Olde Farte"  is passed down to each Scholar Emeritus.  No one really knows what his real name is.  Rumor has it, it is John but no one would dare call him John or be prepared to endure his incredible wrath.  His most important contribution to academia is "The Three T's" Theory.  Time, Taco and Tabasco.  His lifelong research has been the assertion that there is no such thing as time.  He has written many papers and done many tests to prove his theory that time does not exist. Time is just something some stupid idiot developed.  The other T's are Tabasco and Taco.  He also has done a life's worth of research on his assertion that Tabasco sauce is the elixir of life.  Once again he has written many papers that prove his theory on why Tabasco sauce is essential to human existence.  The last T is Taco.  He feels that the singer Taco is the most underrated genius in music history and has been a champion to put Taco in his proper place amount the greats of music such as Mozart, Bach, Sinatra, Pavarotti, Stravinsky.

                                      School of Fine Arts Chairman:  Dr. Foodwin P. Elegante

                                                Drama Department Head:  Pantz A. DeLeon

Dr. Elegante and Pantz A. DeLeon are the true power couple at Sumarongi.  They are married and rule all things in the Fine Arts with an iron fist.  Dr. Elegante is a world renowned expert on the films of internationally famous director, Federico Fabrizi.  He is always immaculately dressed and casual attire to him is a three piece suit.  Pantz A. DeLeon is known for the attractive pants suits she wears around campus.  She reportedly was married to Foodwin in a white pants suit.  Rumor also has it they do not sleep in the same bed and neither has ever seen each other naked.  They believe their children were conceived by test tube.  It is said no one has ever seen Pantz A. DeLeon's legs ever.

                                Computer Science Department Head: Dr. Cobol D. Clodpate

                                                        Chief of Security:  Zell U. Light

The meeting started quite rambunctiously with heated disputes between "Ye Olde Farte" and Foodwin P. Elegante.  Foodwin said that no one was going to force their will on the School of Fine Arts.  At one point Security Chief Zell U. Light had to step in and separate the two or fists were going to fly.  Culpepper Pemplefelt and Dean James then came up with a brilliant plan and compromise which would satisfy both parties.  They decided the fall musical would be a musical review of famous one named singers,  Each attendee would submit one nominee and a special blue ribbon committee would choose six of the singers for the final musical.  Then each person could submit several songs by each artist and the committee would select two numbers for each of the artists for the musical.  The final vote was 11-0 in favor of the plan and disaster was averted.

The following were the artists nominated by each attendee:

Chancellor John:  He didn't nominate anyone because he had no idea what they were talking about.
Dean James:  Dion
Culpepper Pemplefelt:  Morrissey, and he picked 2 songs he felt were culturally significant: "Tony The Pony" and "Dagenham Dave".
"Ye Olde Farte":  Taco
Dr. Foodwin P. Elegante:  Fabian
Pantz A. DeLeon:  Martika
Dr, Cobol D. Clodpate:  Lulu
Paul Bunion:  Cher
Dr. Mortimer A. Magpie:  Pink
Baroness Von Vegalilly:  Basia
Zell U. Light:  Beyonce

London

                                                                              London

It seems Culpepper Pemplefelt has decided to stay in London for a few days.  He was very excited to visit Piccadilly Circus.  He was very impressed with the architecture and the hustle and bustle of the crowd.  Culpepper was puzzled why there were no elephants, tigers, jugglers, clowns, high wire acts, after all isn't that what a circus is?  After strolling around Piccadilly Circus, Culpepper began to look for The Piccadilly Palare.  He looked for several hours and became very upset.  Piccadilly Palare was one of his favorite Morrissey songs.  He asked several people and they were unable to help.  The people he asked, knew of Morrissey but never heard of The Piccadilly Palare.  Culpepper thought that possibly The Piccadilly Palare was closed or did not exist.  He was very disappointed that Morrissey would sing about a place that didn't exist and thought smugly to himself that Morrissey could never match his intellectual level.

                                                                  Piccadilly Circus

                                                                 Piccadilly Palare

After his fruitless search for The Piccadilly Palare, Culpepper decided he wanted to visit the shrine to Mr. Bean and light a candle.  Mr. Bean is one of Culpepper's favorite television characters.  He feels that his use of non verbal communication was revolutionary.  Culpepper was extremely disappointed when the character was discontinued.  He is considering writing a play about the bouts of depression he and others suffered when he realized there would be no more Mr. Bean episodes.

Culpepper knew he had to find the subway to take him to the Mr Bean shrine.  When he asked several Londoner's, they directed him to the Subway restaurant.  In exasperation he told them, he didn't want to eat, he needed to get to The Mr. Bean Shrine.  He was directed to use The Tube.  Culpepper was horrified.  People in London traveled underground in a tube like they have at the drive-up window at the bank?  What a strange method of travel, he thought, but he must investigate.  He found the closest Tube entrance, went down the steps and sighed.  It was just like a regular subway in New York or Boston.  Culpepper thought to himself, this is why he came up with the phrase "America and Great Britain are two nations divided by a common language".

As he was making his way through the station he noticed two men busking and went over to have a look.  They were singing a U2 song called "Even Better Than The Real Thing".  Culpepper had always liked U2, so he listened and politely clapped when they finished.  In the pause between songs, Culpepper went over to the men and said they sounded pretty good but had a long way to go before they could sound like U2,  The men introduced themselves to Culpepper.  The guitarist's name was David Evans and the vocalist's was Paul Hewson.  Culpepper commented to the guitarist that his guitar was slightly out of tune and the singer was a little bit flat on the higher notes.  They both nodded and said they would work on it.  Culpepper was also very disgusted as the guitar player was playing an acoustic guitar.  Culpepper emphatically said that if you play an acoustic guitar you must be a protest singer.  Mr. Evans cordially smiled and said, you can play any type of music on an acoustic guitar.  Culpepper shrugged his shoulders and moved on to catch the next train.  He again was questioning his faith in Morrissey, who sang "I thought that if you had an acoustic guitar it meant that you were a protest singer".  Culpepper had always believed this to be the case and was not smiling and quite serious on the tube ride to The Mr. Bean Shrine.  Maybe this Morrissey fellow wasn't all that.  Then Culpepper thought, the fact was, there are very few that can meet his scholarly prowess.

                 David Evans and Paul Hewson, not near as good as U2, per Culpepper Pemplefelt

Culpepper's mood changed as he made it to The Mr. Bean Shrine.  He was quite jovial walking around looking at all the photo's of his favorite TV character.  He self righteously thought to himself, none of these other people understand the effect Mr. Bean has had on modern culture, and one day in the future Mr. Bean will be compared somewhere between Macbeth and King Lear.

After The Fox

I finally found him!!  After years of searching, the enigmatic Culpepper Pemplefelt has reappeared alive and well in England of all places.  He had previously spent 6 months alone on a deserted Caribbean island researching his latest thesis "No Man is an Island".  Apparently he decided to leave the island because he was dissatisfied with room service, so at this time his thesis research has been put on hold.

                                                                 "Old Prune Face"

Culpepper decided to go to The UK for several reasons.  He had an audience with the British actress Prunella Scales.  He is developing a college course on the social significance and influence of movies with "Old Prune Face" in them.  Culpepper is scholar in residence at Sumarongi College.

                                                  The enigmatic Culpepper Pemplefelt

Culpepper was also in England to visit the grave of his favorite politician, The Right Honourable Sir Alec Douglas-Home.  When Sir Alec passed away on October 9, 1995, Culpepper was devastated.  He was in mourning for 10 years, in which time he never left his apartment at Sumarongi College.  This is where he came up with his theory "No Man is an Island".  Culpepper Pemplefelt has truly suffered for his art and intelligence.

                                                            Sir Alec Douglas-Home

Culpepper has many items on his plate at this time.  He had other business in in jolly old England.
He is in the process of writing a biography of the British playwright Joe Orton.  As part of his research, he felt it was important to interview Edna Welthorpe.  Culpepper is apparently fascinated by the alter egos of Joe Orton and how he developed them.  Edna would not meet Culpepper face to face, but she did agree to meet in the confessional of a Catholic Church.  Culpepper agreed to the meeting even though he has many issues with the Catholic Church, especially his feeling that all Priests are perverted winos because they drink wine as part of the mass.

                                                                     Joe Orton

Culpepper has also been very troubled by the eternal question:  Is it better to burn out than fade away?  He has been suffering recent bouts of insomnia as he considers the ramifications of the question, how it applies to him, humanity and his favorite singer, Morrissey.  He is only able to sleep after drinking large quantities of gin.  His research into the meaning of this series of words: Gunter, glieben, glauchen, globen has been very trying as he cannot seem to decipher the secret code behind them.  This has been haunting him, taunting him, giving him severe ulcers and Barrett's esophagus.  This is the price Culpepper pays for carrying the burdens of the world on his back.  He will be returning to Sumarongi College to his Scholar in residence position, but first he will stop at the Battleship Oklahoma memorial.  He doesn't necessarily grieve for the lost sailors but he does pine that he never was able to get a haircut in the ship's barber shop.

                                                 Is it better to burn out, than fade away?

                                                      Battleship Oklahoma Barbershop

Project For The New Millennium

I had a dream last night, I was in a college class and I had to write an essay.  My essay was titled "Project For The New Millennium".   The essence of my project is to end marriage as we know it.  I woke up and immediately wrote this down and fell back to sleep.  I do think marriage as we know it has become antiquated.  It is basically a contract between 2 consenting adults.  The religious aspects are another matter.  It seems in today's world more couples are just living together.  Legally this could be good or bad depending on the situations of each of the partners.

I am delighted that gay people are allowed to marry.  Why shouldn't two people who love each other be allowed to be married.   It again comes down to what is right.  Again, contractually and legally it makes sense for gay couples.  Men and women can marry, men and men, women and women, are we going down a slippery slope?  Could a man potentially marry a dog?  Ha, ha, just kidding, that one was for you Rick Sanitarium, you creepo Republican.  Seriously though, if I support gay marriage, how does that impact my project to end marriage?

As society gradually evolves, should marriage go the route of the passenger pigeon?  I say yes.  If a couple wants to be together they can just go to the local government agency and sign a legal contract.  Why go through the formality of a costly wedding?  Chances are in 5 years the couple will be divorced.  There's a good probability that one of the spouses are cheating.  What does this say about marriage?  In many cases its a sham!!  Its an ancient tradition who's time should be done.  As more and more people turn away from religion, society's mores are changing.  People living together is certainly not frowned upon, like it used to be.

                                                                     D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Of course, my crusade to end marriage is just another quixotic adventure.  In fact, it's not real at all, it was just a dream I had last night.  I really don't care about marriage at all, as I will never marry.

                                              Morrissey - Will Never Marry (Nor will I)

One other small thought I had (most of my thoughts are small, but I still walk tall).  What will happen in the future when technology will have robots that are basically just like humans?  Will humans be permitted to marry robots?  It could be very interesting.

                                                           Love In The Year 3000

In other exciting news, our Moz has returned to the USA for a tour. Starting in New Orleans and going through Atlanta and Durham, so far.  He will be in Washington, DC tonight.  All the reviews and videos have been wonderful.  Mozza sounds better than ever.  He looks healthy and of course I wish him and the band all the best throughout the tour.  Unfortunately, Our Moz is not coming to Pittsburgh so I shall be unable to attend.  Because of circumstances beyond my control, I am unable to travel.  I do wish that all of the attendees have a marvelous experience because they are seeing a true legend.

             
                                                  Our Moz in The City of New Orleans

   
                        More than Georgia is on Mozza's mind, as he scoops up a bug in Atlanta

                                       Nothing could be finer than for Moz to be in Carolina    

The Author of the "Project For The New Millennium"

                                                          They call him "Mr. Nobody"

The last living mortal on earth.  Humanity has conquered mortality through the endless renewal of cells but not for Mr. Nobody.  An enigma, an anachronism, at some point no trace will exist that he ever existed.