Saturday, June 27, 2015

After The Fox


I finally found him!!  After years of searching, the enigmatic Culpepper Pemplefelt has reappeared alive and well in England of all places.  He had previously spent 6 months alone on a deserted Caribbean island researching his latest thesis "No Man is an Island".  Apparently he decided to leave the island because he was dissatisfied with room service, so at this time his thesis research has been put on hold.

                                                                 "Old Prune Face"

Culpepper decided to go to The UK for several reasons.  He had an audience with the British actress Prunella Scales.  He is developing a college course on the social significance and influence of movies with "Old Prune Face" in them.  Culpepper is scholar in residence at Sumarongi College.


                                                  The enigmatic Culpepper Pemplefelt

Culpepper was also in England to visit the grave of his favorite politician, The Right Honourable Sir Alec Douglas-Home.  When Sir Alec passed away on October 9, 1995, Culpepper was devastated.  He was in mourning for 10 years, in which time he never left his apartment at Sumarongi College.  This is where he came up with his theory "No Man is an Island".  Culpepper Pemplefelt has truly suffered for his art and intelligence.


                                                            Sir Alec Douglas-Home

Culpepper has many items on his plate at this time.  He had other business in in jolly old England.
He is in the process of writing a biography of the British playwright Joe Orton.  As part of his research, he felt it was important to interview Edna Welthorpe.  Culpepper is apparently fascinated by the alter egos of Joe Orton and how he developed them.  Edna would not meet Culpepper face to face, but she did agree to meet in the confessional of a Catholic Church.  Culpepper agreed to the meeting even though he has many issues with the Catholic Church, especially his feeling that all Priests are perverted winos because they drink wine as part of the mass.


                                                                     Joe Orton

Culpepper has also been very troubled by the eternal question:  Is it better to burn out than fade away?  He has been suffering recent bouts of insomnia as he considers the ramifications of the question, how it applies to him, humanity and his favorite singer, Morrissey.  He is only able to sleep after drinking large quantities of gin.  His research into the meaning of this series of words: Gunter, glieben, glauchen, globen has been very trying as he cannot seem to decipher the secret code behind them.  This has been haunting him, taunting him, giving him severe ulcers and Barrett's esophagus.  This is the price Culpepper pays for carrying the burdens of the world on his back.  He will be returning to Sumarongi College to his Scholar in residence position, but first he will stop at the Battleship Oklahoma memorial.  He doesn't necessarily grieve for the lost sailors but he does pine that he never was able to get a haircut in the ship's barber shop.


                                                 Is it better to burn out, than fade away?


                                                      Battleship Oklahoma Barbershop

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