What Am I?

As I was busting my ass riding my exercise bike this afternoon, I was thinking about several things.  Most notably I thought, What am I?  After some contemplation my answer was..... What I am.  Its pretty sad that was the best I could come up with.

                                                             What I am is what I am
                                                             Are you what you are or what?

So naturally after figuring out that what I am is what I am the next logical question is Why I am?
This is a major botheration as it seems I am quite directionless.  There is no compass.  Wondering aimless from day to day.  Its the realization that one is not exceptional, peculiar maybe, but certainly not extraordinary.

                                                   Its the lose and the win of the world
                                              Wrong and right, us and them of the world

The inner disappointment in knowing one has no special talent or gift is very disheartening.  But hey its the lose and the win of the world.  One must continue on with style, correct?  A smile on my face for everyone I meet?  What I have learned is to expect nothing, anticipate nothing and become nothing because in reality I am nothing.

                                                                      Always
                                                            Knows the prospects
                                                                 Learn to expect
                                                                       Nothing

When I was a young child, I was very much into politics.  Which is strange for a youngster.  People told me when you get older you're going to be a politician.  Maybe a Senator or Governor or President.  I was exposed to the world of politics and became very disillusioned at what a major cesspool it was.  A world of corruption, phonies and ego's.  Not the place I choose to inhabit.

                                             'Cause they told me when I was younger
                                                 Said boy, you're gonna be President
                                                        But just like everything else
                                                            Those old crazy dreams
                                                           Just kinda came and went

I shall continue on with the charade of life because there is no other choice.  Go to sleep, wake up, go to work each day.  Rinse, repeat, rewash.  No one gets out of this world alive.  I will celebrate nothing and being nothing by playing Ice Hockey and going to the bar after the game this Friday.  At that time, life will have me a little less by the throat, only temporarily of course.

                                          You just gotta sit yourself down
                                                  To contemplate
                                         You get yourself a nice cold beer
                                             And drink yourself away
                                            You're celebrating nothing
                                               And you feel a-okay

                                                        There I am, imitating a hockey player
                                                         There I go, turn the page

                              "Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
                                                       Joseph Campbell