Istanbul

I rarely ever get chills when I listen to a song.  When a song gives me chills, its special and unique.  I had the pleasure of being able to listen to Istanbul today by Morrissey.  Right from the start, I was riveted with the haunting music and the augural, fateful lyrics.  Our Moz's voice sounds wonderfully euphonious, never better!!  I listened to the song several times and each time there were chills.  This song is amoungst Moz's best.  Its a breathtaking piece of music.  We are so lucky to have Our Moz and his musical, lyrical and poetic genius.

Paradox

                                                    I wonder what my reaction will be,

                                                   When I lean into a pine box

                                                   And see the body lying there is me.

Timeless Skies

Another weekend is fading fast.  Tomorrow returns the usual grind of common life.  Time rushes by as does water over a dam.  Nothing in particular was accomplished but that is not unusual.  If being content and somewhat lazy was revered, I would be King.  As I gradually fritter my life away on mostly insignificant pursuits, I wonder who I am and what am I doing here.

The Logical Song is a very truthful look at our culture.  When I was young I was so sweet and naïve
and from the moment I first went to school, all of my innocence was trampled on and destroyed forever.  So yes, I became logical, practical, responsible, acceptable, respectable, presentable but I hope not a vegetable.  The lazier I become, the closer I move towards being a zombie.  As an attempt to battle slothfulness, I decided each evening to read an hour of poetry and prose from a different author.  Last week was Keats, Yeats, Tennyson and Baudelaire.  I found it much more entertaining than watching TV.  The words written by these 4 incredible poets are astounding and so well crafted.
I am just slightly jealous, wishing I could have the skill and genius to write such exquisite words.
I try to think how to get out of the trap I am caught in and realize there is no escape.  For one with no exceptional gifts, the only solution is acceptance of the inevitable.

I used to hold tightly to my Daddy's hand and every night kiss both parents before I went to bed.
It was in some distant land.  I remember it and sometimes I long for that feeling of comfort, warmth and love.  Something went wrong.  Am I to blame or not to blame or a little of both?  The trials and tribulations of life were rough for a naïve, innocent boy.  I truly used to be a sweet boy but that boy is long gone, replaced by logical, practical, respectable, acceptable, etc.

 

Time is quickly running through my fingers on its ever present march forward.   So many fragments linger of both good and bad moments.  Is the secret to remember the positives and forget the horrid?  Or maybe learn lessons from the terrible times?  Why do some people seem to skate through life without a care and others get scarred from life's experiences.  Each one seemingly tearing another small piece of the soul and slowly suffocating existence.  I will ponder these questions as I wander the timeless skies, in the alluring moments, in my snug cocoon, as I drift into the invulnerable veil of sleep.

Corybantic Times

Good times for a change.  This week starts my tennis season.  I have been longing for this moment for many months.  It was a particularly brutal winter.  We had record cold temps, it felt like it was unending.  I can't think of anything I desire more than being on the tennis court (or a Morrissey show) on a beautiful summer evening.  At that moment in time all in the world is right for me.

Ice Hockey was quite barbarous on my body this year.  I sustained a partially torn MCL and my elbow and shoulder were mangled from a vile slewfoot from another player.

Fortunately, I have survived those incidents, sore and bruised but intact and am ready to move on to tennis.  This past Friday was my last hockey game and thankfully I was comfortably numb after the game, courtesy of about 20 cans of beer.

I was trying to remember what the door mouse said but the white knight was talking backward, so I didn't know what to do.  The men on the chessboard got up and told me where go, thankfully I didn't have some kind of mushroom (I don't do drugs) so my mind wasn't moving low, just very slow.  Obviously, logic and proportion were not quite sloppy dead at that moment, so I went to bed!!!

The other piece of wonderful news is Our Moz has returned to touring.  He looks and sounds spectacular!!

The set list for the new tour is outstanding.  Ganglord, First of The Gang to Die, Asleep, Hand in Glove,  I Know its Gonna Happen Someday, Yes, I am Blind and 3 songs from his new album.  The new songs sound great.  The Bullfighter Dies is particularly good.  He is also singing The Blue Rose Society anthem, Trouble Loves Me!!  WOW!!  Moz took a Blue Rose from Devan at The Santa Ana Observatory show and wore it on his jacket!!  Of course its all just a coincidence, I must be off of my psychotropic meds.  Wait, I just got a call from Berggasse 19, Vienna,  I have been diagnosed as Maladjusted.

Yes, life has been quite corybantic lately and its a good thing.  Although I am no longer a Corybant, I am almost over Cybele banning me from her court to Pittsburgh for being a total bore.  So I can still be and plan on being corybantic frequently this summer.

The Equalizer

Oh Equalizer where have you gone?  Harrison turns his lonely eyes to you!  The only man on TV with a conscience and integrity.  Willing to help anyone with a problem.  Now we have 2 Broke Girls, How I Met Your Mother and Dancing with The Stars.  The Equalizer believed in Justice for All.  He was very polite, proper and never "Out of Order".

Got a Problem?  Odds Against You?  The Equalizer is gone, who you gonna call?

Now seriously, do you think The Ghostbusters could stop and punish a criminal in the titillating way The Equalizer could accomplish the task?  The answer of course is a resounding NO!!!!!
Apparently, The Equalizer is coming back to the big screen with Denzel Washington playing The Equalizer.  Really?  Denzel Washington versus Edward Woodward.  You have to be kidding me.  If you had a problem or the odds were against you, who would you trust to overpower the bad guy?

Don't get me wrong, I really like Denzel and think he is one of the best Actors on the planet.  But he can't be The Equalizer!!  There is only and will be only one true Equalizer and that is Edward Woodward.  Is Hollywood really so bereft of ideas that it has to continually remake old TV shows or old movies so they can con simpleminded idiots out of their money.  Why not be creative and come up with some new ideas and new characters for the current generations.  To me its pathetic but no one really cares what I think.

I do think it would be nice to have an Equalizer to take care of things when you have a problem or the odds are against you.  Alas, that's just a fantasy, the real world certainly doesn't work that way and never will.

Blood and Roses

Last week a boy stabbed 21 people in his High School in a town very close to where I live.  I have been quite bothered by the whole situation.  Thank god no one was killed.  There were some very serious injuries and several of the victims are still in intensive care.  He apparently ran down the hallway of the school slashing and stabbing anyone in his path.  I can't even imagine the trauma of those who were stabbed and those who witnessed the tragedy.  It will take a long time for the wounds both physical and mental to heal, if ever.

What has bothered me intensely is why did he do it?  Now only he can say what his motive was and he is not talking.  Reports have begun to come out that this kid was bullied every day and had a horrid prank played on him in the locker room last week by some boys.  He was "Teabagged", a vicious hazing prank which is very dehumanizing.  So is this why he did it?  I would say probably.  Why didn't he tell his parents or a teacher?   Other students noticed him being bullied, why didn't they help?  He must have felt there was no way out.  His life made into a living hell, every day going to a place where he was virtually tortured by other students, with no escape.  Why did he have to harm innocent people though is my big problem.  The students he stabbed weren't targeted because they were bullying him, it was random.  I do not condone what he did.  He will have to pay the price for his actions.  It just bothers me that this kid was driven to this extreme because of bullying.

I know what it is like to be bullied.  One year of my life was a living hell.  I felt there was no way out.
I didn't stab or kill anyone though.  I made the decision to fight through it every day, one at a time.
There was no one there for me. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it.  It was the loneliest time of my life.  I have some empathy for this kid because I was there.

"I want to live but I don't belong, I close my eyes and I see Blood and Roses"

I don't belong and I never have.  That situation made me realize because of who I am, I will never fit in.  Back then, not fitting in or belonging meant a life of hell and torture.  Now I celebrate being different.  I would never want to be some stereotypical cardboard cut out of a person.  In school you must conform, they keep control that way.  People who are different pose a threat to tradition.

There has always been bullying and there will always be.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to stop it.
I don't pretend to have all or any of the answers.  In many Schools, what I call "The Elite" are the prime bullies.  These are "The Jocks",  "The Beautiful People",  "The Wealthy",  "The Well Connected", these groups almost never pay for their offenses in a High School.  The Teachers and Administrators look the other way because of the problems it could create by disciplining them.  So the Bullies very seldom get punished and the bullied know it.  Thus creating an atmosphere of a ruling class of students and the poor peasants.  Until there is something done to stop "The Elite" untouchable class of student, the bullying will continue and there will be more of these incidents.  Every school has this problem, yet so few do anything to really correct it, just pay lip service.

Bullying doesn't stop at the end of High school.  It continues on through all stages of life.  The more we do to stamp it out at a young age, the better off society will be as a whole.

"I've tried to live but I don't belong, I close my eyes and I see Blood and Roses"

As for this kid who stabbed his fellow students.  He will pay severely for his actions and deservedly so. There is no excuse for extreme violence to solve a problem.  In hindsight, I wish someone could have talked to him and told him things do get better.  Got him focused on other things.  There is a huge world out there after the minuscule microcosm of High School.  We have lost another one and all of the victims who's lives were ruined by his actions.  Will it never end?

Disambiguation

                                                               Les fleurs du mal

The flowers of evil.  The evil flowers.  The flowers of malevolence.  The flowers of malice.
The flowers of beauty.  The beautiful flowers.  The flowers of elegance.  The flowers of loveliness.

                          Me, sitting on a ledge contemplating disambiguation and the flowers of evil.